Long Distance Relationships do Exist

As a military spouse and a service member, I am extremely passionate about building stable romantic relationships that can withstand the trials and tribulations of deployments. A little back story on myself, my husband and I are both active duty in the Navy. We have been in active duty status for almost 8 years, have been together for 6 years, and married for 5 years. We have been through 3 deployments and countless training cycles. In 2014, our family grew to include two fur-babies, Lexi and Kona. In 2017, we had our son, Andrew Larson. I love my family very much and as many would say, they are truly my world. However, when I look back over our time together, there is one defining moment in our marriage that I am beyond proud of.

We were dual sea duty for the first 4 years of our marriage. For anyone who is not familiar with Navy lifestyle, it means that we NEVER saw each other. As a result, we were separated for about two years by back to back deployments. We were lucky enough for I came home about three weeks after my husband left for his deployment (Insert sarcasm). However, we made it!!!! The biggest take away that we had was communication was key!

We learned a lot of different things that helped us to maintain a strong and healthy relationship. First, we created a game that we played. We would end every email with a question that we had to answer. These questions we usually personal and were a way for us to feel like we were still learning about each other and foster a feeling of familiarity and closeness. We were also honest and open with each other. Of course, there were times when it was difficult. Let’s be real honest, when you are married yet have no sexual component of your relationship, it can be difficult. Instead of ignoring it and opening ourselves up to infidelity, we talked about it directly. We talked about how difficult it was to watch other people cuddle or how we thought it would be so easy to just indulge one time. However, we came to an important realization. Five minutes of pleasure with someone else was not worth losing everything that we had built with each other. We also chose not to fight. There were plenty of opportunities for conflict. However, if we wasted our precious time arguing, then we were not making the most of it. There were times where we needed to have discussions about things. We just chose to handle it as effectively as possible and to not allow our emotions to get a hold of us. Which was not always an easy task. If I learned anything from that experience it was to not be afraid to talk about the scary stuff. Also, do not waste time arguing about things that do not need to escalate to that level. Lastly, find ways to create closeness. It is very easy to create that emotional connection with your partner. However, it is not always easy to fan that flame over distance. Get creative and find what works for you!