Happy Marriage = Happy Baby.

I have lots of competing roles in my life – wife, mom, sailor, student, daughter, friend. If I had to rank the most important role, I think I would label it as wife with mom being immediately behind it. Honestly, I would create a new word to explain the importance that I have in regards to these two roles. Wifemom meaning that where one ends, the other begins. They are separate but the same. However, it is purposeful that wife is first. I believe that putting my marriage first is most important outside of meeting my child’s basic needs. I want my child to grow up knowing how to have a healthy marriage. I want him to learn how to navigate conflict effectively and how to respect his partner. I want him to watch his father and I interact and communicate. I then want him to take what he has learned and use it in a way that best serves him and the family that he will have. I want him to grow up in a happy home where he knows that he is surrounded by love. Because of putting our marriage first, we are putting his developmental and psychological needs first.

Part of putting our marriage first is to engage in communication practices that foster a healthy relationship. We have a few goals that we try to meet with our communication. We aim to respect each other and treat each other as equals. We spend a few minutes every day talking to each other directly. We always ask each other how our days were. If we have an opportunity, we take whatever time together we can get. Often, this means getting off work early but spending an hour together before we go and pick up our son from daycare. We prioritize each other and realize that we are not perfect. We own up to our mistakes and apologize. Being stubborn and right is not worth the argument. Not to mention, my perspective is usually not accurate. We also do not shield our son from the times we do have conflict. We try to discuss what is going on in a calm manner in front of him. It is very important to us that he learn how to listen to other people’s perspectives, consider them and then compromise as needed. When we accomplish these goals, we are prioritizing our marriage and indirectly prioritizing the lessons that we teach our son. That just went full circle! Who knew that being a wifemom could be a cool thing!